Madrid managed to win El Clásico despite Sergio Ramos being a dildo
Alright partner... keep on rollin' baby, you know what time it is… what a song that was from Limp Bizkit. I was thinking about that last week when watching the Kell Brook ‘fight’, why doesn’t a boxer come out to ‘Rollin’? What an intro, just like the Undertaker, imagine the crowd giving it some welly. “Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin”, swinging their arms in the air, fantastic. The Brook ‘fight’ was a shambles, his opponent was dreadful and there was no contest, no wonder they didn’t have it on pay per view. I’d rather have watched Kelly Brook… like forever, in that scene from Piranha 3D on slow motion over and over again. Got to love the Brook. Is it just me, or does Kell Brook sound exactly like Leigh Francis in his ‘Keith Lemon’ guise? Can’t really take him too seriously in his interviews because of it. Hold the phone, what am I doing, this is meant to be the week in football and I haven’t even done a bloody intro yet, have to enjoy that grammar right there. It’s me again, Daz Hound again bringing you my football (and various random stuff) week in review. Let’s do this ting.
We have had some sackings, Remi ‘Red Dragon’ Garde has left the Villa, to be honest I’m not sure anyone will really notice. He struck me as the kind of guy that snuck in and sat quietly in the corner hoping that nobody will steal his lunch money. Maybe now he’s a free agent he can pursue a different career path, like I suggested for Dani Behr a few weeks ago, the porn scene is there and ready. He could rename himself ‘Rimmy Garde’, they all have names like that don’t they, maybe star in ‘On Garde’… No? Just me? Oh ok then… maybe he hasn’t got the charisma for it all anyway… what can Remi do instead then? Maybe paint himself silver and stand in shopping centres, he’d be perfect. Also the king of the Neville siblings was given his Valencia marching orders, got to feel a little bit for the lad, that club is rife with issues and terrible footballers. Actually no, it’s Phil and Tracey I feel sorry for, he’s going to be unbearable to them, probably lock them in the basement as a punishment for his failings… Poor old Neville’s…
Last week was International week and England went from rubbish, to World beaters, then back to rubbish again in the space of a week, such is British journalism. It’s only friendly games, you can’t really take them too seriously, especially at the business end of the season when players are holding a little back. Nice to see the Spurs boys topple the Germans though, and weirdly I found it quite enjoyable watching the Dutch win a game, they’ll be missed badly this Summer. Wish I could say the same for the Nike kits on offer, absolutely vile, white shirts, white shorts, red socks… It’s not just England either, all Nike kits in the tournament will have stupid socks. Just give us basic kits, stop trying to be clever with them, proper kits, proper prices, fuck off with your gimmicks and grand designs. I won’t be buying one that’s for sure, though as a grown ass man I do kind of frown upon adults in replica kits… maybe not so much a foreign shirt on your holidays, but walking around Asda in a full England get up, get out of town.
It’s Wrestlemania weekend, and to say I’m excited is a bloody understatement. For a while I was a little down on the whole thing but watching that NXT show last night has really got my juices flowing. What a show that was, everyone should try and get hold of a copy, it may even be the best Wrestling show I’ve seen since Rumble 1992. My boy Shinsuke Nakamura made his debut and stole the show, there was blood, punches, kicks, knees, prancing, jumping and handshakes at the end, fucking perfect. Now there are rumours flying about for surprises at Mania, Kurt Angle, Cena, Stone Cold, Goldberg, Balor Club, it could all be going down. So tomorrow night I’ll be settling down for 6 hours of entertainment, what an end to a great weekend.
Spurs went to Anfield today and were unlucky to take a point, we have a decent Super Sunday line up to look forward to, the T20 Cricket final which England are involved in, I will come back to that shortly, and El Clásico too. Though the Clásico felt a little underwhelming to me, it was borderline dull in the first half and didn’t really pick up until Barca scored. Didn’t foresee Madrid taking it though so credit to them, especially after Ramos went full ‘dildo mode’ and got himself sent off again. I’m still not won over on Zidane as a manager, don’t see him being in charge this time next year. Speaking of the Clásico, they were the subject of the only football April Fools I saw, with claims they were going to start cricket teams. Was hardly the greatest wind up of all time was it… Speaking of April Fools I sat and watched a show called ‘Bigfoot Captured’ which was clearly a joke but was also so disappointedly awful. I knew it was fake, for the record, but they didn’t even try and act like it was real. Such a load of cobblers, poor acting, poor story, poor special effects. There was a similar one a few years back about Mermaids which was much better, yes again it’s not real, but they at least put some effort in. It almost put me in a bad mood as I waited for the NXT show, almost, that show turned it all around.
Now let’s talk cricket, and England and the West Indies face off tomorrow in the T20 finals and I’m genuinely excited. Mostly, and this may sound bad, but mostly because India were eliminated. I just get frustrated with their fans, I see them on Twitter and they have such a sense of entitlement they really do. Like they have to win, everything, and if they don’t then it’s everyone’s fault bar their own side. The huge celebrations when they beat Bangladesh and the Aussies earlier in the competition almost turned my stomach, with the praying and the begging and such. If there is a god, I’m sure he’s more occupied with death and disease rather than a game of cricket. Get over yourselves. And the sound of silence when the West Indies won, oh it was beautiful, so yeah I will enjoy watching that final and even as a proud Englishman I don’t mind who wins it.
So what’s coming up in football this week, I believe we’re back to European competition again, should be fun but again as I always say, it’s a shame not many people can actually watch the games on television. I’m expecting both City and Liverpool to lose their ties this round which will be a bit of a kick in the nuts for the ‘best league in the World’. But I’ll review all that in next week’s review, anyway people time to wrap up. Enjoy Super Sunday, enjoy the cricket, love Wrestlemania, buy a Nakamura action figure and most of all, take it easy.