by Darren Hound - 5th March 2016
Grab a marrow Andy, give us some news.
“Daddy finger, Daddy finger, where are you? Here I am, here I am, how do you do?” I have recently discovered this popular children’s song and it is quite frankly disturbing. How is this allowed when Finger Mouse got so much shit? Anyway, just thought I’d quickly bring that up in my introduction, it’s me, it’s me, it’s DDP… well it’s not really, I am not an old wrestler or an advocate of yoga, I am Darren Hound and I’m back with my thoughts on the footballing week.
Well let’s go back to last weekend, we had the League Cup final which Man City won in a penalty shoot-out. Seemed a bit weird today to see them parade it in front of their fans, do the fans really care about the league cup? With the money they have been spending surely that trophy is very much minor success for them, oh well congratulations all the same, I’m sure Pep was delighted with it, maybe even got himself a tattoo to mark the occasion. The big news in England though was young Rashford of Manchester United, getting himself a couple of goals against the Arsenal and is now being considered for the England squad. Bit ridiculous that isn’t it, shows that Roy Hodgson has a hard on for the big clubs. Not sure what’s going on with Arsenal at the moment, a terrible loss to United’s reserves and then a home spanking by Swansea. Today they snuck a draw in the North London derby, but it seems they don’t want to win the title. It was there on a plate for them, my Spurs boys are still just about in it but the only team that really look interested are Leicester. I’m enjoying all the press loving the title challenge from Leicester, but will they still think it’s such a good thing when they are getting torn apart in Europe next year? Speaking of Europe, the talk of a European Super League is resurfacing once again, always comes up when the so called bigger clubs are struggling to retain their top 4 slot doesn’t it. Sad thing is that’s it’s only a matter of time before something like that comes along, money talks and tradition walks.
Now that reminds me, the fucking Ghostbusters trailer was released this week, now I rarely get angry but my god, what a fucking shambles. First of all, I assumed it was going to be a follow on from the originals but with a new generation, but it looks like they’re just remaking the original. The jokes look forced, the ghosts look like extras from a rave scene and the lines didn’t come across as natural. What really annoys me though is that everyone who criticised that trailer is being accused of sexism because they are female this time. That’s not right at all, it just looks terrible. That Kristen Wiig is really funny, but this film looks the opposite. It’s as if Hollywood takes all my childhood memories and wipes its arse with them. What next? A remake of Ferngully? Imagine they remade Noels Houseparty… with a cgi Mr Blobby, it would be awful, and he was a classy character back in the day. “Oooh blobby blob”, vintage that, vintage.
Let’s get back to football, Inter Milan almost pulled off the unthinkable by pulling back a 3 goal 1st leg deficit against Juventus in the Coppa Italia, only to lose in a penalty shoot-out. Old rat tailed Palacio missed the vital kick, I just can’t fathom that. All the money in the world and has a haircut like a rat’s arse. Milan also made it through to the final so that should be an entertaining watch. It’s a shame I don’t have more access to Italian football, you just can’t justify paying for two different sports packages. Football isn’t for the fans anymore, it’d all about the money men, the Ted DiBiase’s of this World, what about us Virgil’s??? Actually in reality apparently Virgil is a bit of a twat and Teddy DiBiase is a true gentleman, bit of a kick in the face for wrestling kayfabe. Also Duke the Dumpster Droese isn’t really a bin man. What a shit wrestling gimmick that was, Ric Flair is a kiss stealing, limousine riding son of a gun, Dusty Rhodes the common man and American Dream, Duke Droese picked up the bins. Tough break Duke, tough break.
Apparently, well at least according to my internet adverts, Britain is set to be hit by a month of snow and ice. I have seen none of it so far, the bonus of living in the south or the weather men losing their shit? I don’t mind a bit of snow, as long as it’s proper stuff. You know the thick old white, enough to build a snow man, enough to bury a ginger kid, enough to dig a trench and pretend you’re on Hoth and old Mrs Johnson on her zimmer frame is an imperial walker. I hate it when it’s snow and you just get sludge, it’s pointless. I know traffic gets fucked up, and football gets cancelled, but that’s why they invented internet pornography. It keeps you warm, keeps you focussed and gives big dicked ugly people a place to earn a living.
Apart from a few league fixtures it really does seem to have been a quiet footballing week doesn’t it, Barcelona are still running wild, Aston Villa are doing the exact opposite. Bayern have been slipping up a bit, but not enough for it to matter, same goes for PSG in France. The MLS is about to begin this weekend; can you feel the excitement in the air? Nope, me neither, I’ll watch it but I refuse to go into it full of excitement. We need a talking point don’t we, not anything like Adam Johnson, but something good. Like a mascot that goes on a cocaine rampage in a petting zoo, or a bollock naked Andy Townsend fighting off the police with a marrow in a garden centre. We need something. Oh well we’ll see what the week ahead brings, at least the cricket T20 World Cup begins… tumbleweeds… fucking tumbleweeds. Anyway, that’s it for me this week, take it easy people.